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My personal awakening journey – how it all began.
… twenty-eight years ago, as my media career was taking off, a severe accident prevented me from continuing to pursue my dream of being a TV presenter. I felt broken open. My healing journey was much more than 'just' healing the body. I went on a purpose quest to heal and travel the world.
My journey began in the UK, where I lived and worked with monks and other purpose seekers in an international Centre for Modern Buddhism - Manjushri Kadampa Meditation Centre.
Up to the present day, this was one of my most memorable experiences. After years of attempting to achieve outer perfection, I was reduced to a few jogging outfits and a tiny room without a mirror. I learned to meditate, pray, and practice mindfulness while working in the garden and kitchen. Although it was all very foreign to me, I was able to calm my mind and feel inner peace, maybe for the first time in my life. The Buddhist teachings about mindfulness, meditation, compassion, and taking care of each other planted the first seeds. I experienced the beauty of simplicity and instant gratitude. Life became gentle and calm, and I was surprised at how happy I was. After 6 months and with a heavy heart, I had to leave, but I was invited to return whenever I wanted to.
I was once a woman who was goal-oriented, ambitious, and passionate, with a strong drive to achieve great success in my career. Following something like "inner guidance" and leaving everything behind, scared the hell out of me. No plans, no income, and no clue what I was doing. The inner struggles were huge. Yet, after the return of the Buddhist Center, I could feel that my body relapsed. There was more inner work to do. I was not done. I was still on a quest. Inspired by books on indigenous wisdom, I was determined to learn more, and not just from books.
I was looking for the real thing.
I booked a one-way flight to California to begin my book research on "Intuitive Communication - Dancing with the Universe" and portrayed and interviewed over 100 people from all walks of life. I was captivated by the wisdom and welcoming of indigenous cultures. During one of the biggest intuition conferences in San Diego, USA, I met Mathowin, a shaman and Blackfoot Indian woman. Living and working with Mathowin was supposed to be my next learning experience. I asked Mathowin if I could stay and study with her, and she immediately said yes. Living in my own caravan, near the Mexican border, I was taught about sweat lodges, vision quests, plant medicine, caring for the land, and how to work with plants and animals as our allies. As romantic as it might sound, it was not. It was a profound inner journey and an in-depth work through individual and collective fears, beliefs, shadows, causes of illnesses, and inner power struggles. If I had known what I was getting into, I would have run away from it. My next learning step was going to take me completely out of my comfort zone. Exploring deeper and more unknown territory was a real challenge. There were times when I thought I was losing my mind after learning Buddhist teachings, followed by the rituals and traditions of indigenous cultures. Maybe I did lose my mind, but what I discovered was more powerful than what I could have imagined: The Intuitive Mind and Visionary Thinking. Up to today, they are my SUPERPOWER. Yet again, my journey with Mathowin had to come to an end. I still smile when I think back, there was no gentleness with Mathowin. She was, however, very clear and strong and she taught me that love is not always pretty.
The wisdom of plant medicine and healing energy inspired me to take my newlywed husband on a honeymoon to Hawaii and Maui to learn from Kahunas. They are the priests and magicians of Hawaii. I was introduced to Auntie Angeline, a renowned Kahuna and body healer from Kauai. I knew she was going to be my next teacher. I am still amazed when I think about how easily I was guided from one place to another. I was still dealing with a lot of ongoing physical discomfort and was determined to find relief. Even though the Hawaiian Islands were beautiful, my studies took me to the next level and the levels of learning were intense. Auntie Angeline, however, was an angel. Not only was her bathroom an open-air space situated amid a lush green jungle, but her humble temple also served as a serene, secure, and sacred sanctuary for healing and tranquility. The energy of her strong feminine, nurturing, and embracing nature has remained with me until today, and I never forget to include her in my daily prayers. After conducting numerous interviews with career women in Western cultures and enduring a significant amount of exhaustion in navigating through their needs to demonstrate their worth, she emerged as a role model of the Feminine. I still feel her touch and feminine energy, and I will forever be grateful to her. Her example has helped me understand what a truly feminine, wise, strong, yet gentle woman can look like and how it feels to be in her presence compared to that of masculine women. This experience was a game-changer for my future work with women in top business positions.
I felt that my time in the United States was complete and that returning to Europe was essential. My journey continued in Scotland: The Findhorn Community in Moray Firth, founded by Eileen Caddy. A spiritual community and a model for eco-friendly living. According to the community, their path of transformation, belonging, and connection is based on three core practices: Inner Listening, Co-Creation with Nature, and Work as Love in Action. It's impressive to see how the community has developed over the years. Twenty-five years ago, I arrived in Scotland without a return ticket and a suitcase stuffed with tape recordings gathered from my book research. Findhorn was well-known beyond the spiritual community in North America, but not in Europe. It was known as a special place where roses bloom in winter. Yes, they did. Eileen Caddy was still alive at that time. She became my teacher and another powerful force in how to communicate with my intuition and to practice inner listening. As with the presence of Aunt Angeline and Mathowin, I still feel her energy in my heart and how it felt when I was together with her. In the master’s aura, it is said that you grow automatically. From my experience, this is true. I could feel the expansion in and around me, and I still remember her gentle and kind words that really touched me. „People come here to find God. Some people take a lifetime. Some people come for a brief visit “. It was late in the evening. After spending an entire afternoon with Eileen, I was enjoying myself outside a Scottish pub, sipping my Whiskey, and gazing into the beauty of nature, while having the time of my life. It felt as if parts of me felt liberated, jumped out of my body, and flew, swirled around, dancing, free, laughing, expanding... I felt a deep inner fulfilment, but eventually, I had to return to Germany.
Back in Germany. Returning felt like a shock. Not only did I return during the winter, but the place also felt cold to my heart. I remember that I was told by a psychic in California – right at the beginning of my quest - that I would not stay but had to return to heal the wounded hearts of Northern European people. Nothing I was really looking forward to. And despite the sacred teachings and profound learnings about the illusions & truth of life, understanding the human psyche, and laws of spirituality, I was still in physical pain. Yet, I was growing quickly and strongly on a professional level. Doors were flying open for my work and spiritual knowledge. I did make a career, this time in the corporate world, where I would expect it the least. It wasn't just one particular moment during my two-year journey, it was the whole process of deep inner work that empowered me for my new passage in life: I was bold. I was fearless.
However, the main motivation that had led me on a purpose quest was not resolved. I was ready to take a leap of faith. Although I didn't feel like I had found physical healing during my quest, I certainly knew how to follow my intuition. By that time, I had enough knowledge to fully overcome my fears and step into my power – professionally and physically. I stopped taking any further medication, listening to fear messages, looking for further diagnoses and following endless to-do lists of health tasks. I started dance training. It did not go well in the beginning. But it got better with time. After sitting and walking in constant pain for 28 years, within a year I was able to train for three hours seven days a week. I found a dance partner and, this time, dancing on stage was back in my life. For a long time, my dance training helped me relieve most of my pain. The following years were filled with joy, dynamic power, and movement.
And the learning curve was supposed to continue. There was still a missing piece for me to find. I needed to study again. During this time, I was drawn towards modern psychology and brain research. I was fascinated by the neuroscience of healing and I learned how we can consciously transform neuroplastic pain. I recovered by using brain repatterning techniques and practices to restore the nervous system. The in-depth spiritual experiences of my purpose quest along with applying cutting-edge psychological methods based on neuroscience discoveries have made me understand that the mind-body can heal itself from chronic conditions if given the right instructions.
Today, I am committed to bringing about a positive impact on the local and global community. I work trauma-informed and holistically with awakening women, young adults, and chronic pain sufferers to help them transform, heal, and grow. I value spiritual and ancient methods while incorporating brain research and cutting-edge psychological techniques.
I am all about empowering people and guiding conscious and female leaders to greatness, so they can use their greatness for the good of the whole, by co-creating healthier and more conscious living, working and community environments.